Welcome to another deleted scene from Thoughtful! This one happens right after Kellan agrees to a night out with his roommates…
*Kellan and the D-Bags*
Studying her face, I watched her eyes slightly shift color in the sunlight. I loved the way her eyes did that sometimes. Like everything else about her, I committed it to memory. Even though it was painful to remember, I didn’t want to forget anything about her. “I’m fine, and I’d like to spend one…night…with my roommates.” One last night. Before I leave. Forever.
I turned and left her then, because staying hurt too much, and tonight would be painful enough. No need to prolong the agony.
I left the house not long after, and headed over to Matt’s, to spend the day with him. The drive was quiet, peaceful. It was early October, and the air was crisp and cool. Refreshing. The trees were changing color, and reds, yellows and oranges were speckled throughout the green. I absorbed it all, since this was probably the last time I’d see it. I would truly miss Washington. I wasn’t sure where I would go. I didn’t really want to go back to California. Oregon maybe? The thought of leaving made me even more depressed, so I pushed it from my mind. I’d think about it later, when it was actually happening.
When I got to Matt’s house, I looked around the subdued suburbia where he and Griffin lived. It was nice here, the kind of place where you settled down to have a few kids. It seemed wholly inappropriate for two twenty-something rock stars, but Matt and Griffin liked it, from what I could tell.
I knocked on Matt’s door, and waited for a good twenty minutes for him to open it. Matt wasn’t exactly a morning person. The door cracked open and Matt’s pale eyes blinked at me in the sunlight. “Kell? It’s hella early.”
I clapped him on the shoulder as I walked through the front door. “Then go back to bed,” I told him. “I was just going to work on some lyrics.” I showed him a notebook curled in my fingers as I sat on the couch.
Matt yawned and scratched himself. “Yeah, okay. Whatever.” He shuffled down the hallway, and a few seconds later his door closed. I had to smile at my guitarist. He hadn’t even asked why I was working here and not at home.
Opening my notebook, I flipped to a blank page. I pulled out the pencil I’d shoved in the spiral, and tapped it against my lip. I wasn’t sure what to write about. All I could think, was how much I missed being in love when I hadn’t realized I was in love. It was simpler then.
Life is clearer when you’re blind. Life is sharper when you’re deaf. Life is easier when you’re stupid. I’d give anything to erase my mind. Erase me, so I can forget you. Forget me, so I can live without you. Move me, so I can breathe.
I looked at the words and cringed. Not great, but at least it was a start. With only the sound of Griffin snoring as a backdrop, I kept scribbling down painful, contradictory, and sometimes nonsensical lyrics. The day flew by, and before I knew it, Matt and Griffin were awake, and asking me what I wanted to do on our day off.
Withholding a sigh, I told them, “I have plans with my roommates.”
Griffin gave me a hard look. “Is there sex in those plans?”
I rolled my eyes at his question. “No.” Definitely no. Never again. My days of touching Kiera were over.
Griffin let out a snort. “Then ditch ‘em. Come hang out with us.”
I shook my head. I wish I could. “I can’t. I already told them I’d be there, and I haven’t really hung out with Denny since he’s been back.” I’ve been avoiding him, avoiding Kiera, avoiding my life. I needed to stop doing that. I cleared my thoughts as I closed my notebook. “And I hang out with you fuckers all the time.”
I forced a grin to my face. Matt laughed, then punched Griffin in the arm. “Yeah, and if he stays away, you may actually stand a chance of getting laid.”
Griffin frowned at Matt as he rubbed his arm. “I can get laid with Kellan around. Just the other night I got action when he was there.” He gave us a crooked smile. “It was in a closet just off the stage. Chick could even see Kellan from where I had her bent over.”
I shook my head while Matt started laughing even harder. “Wait, so she was watching Kellan while she was with you? So, in her mind, she wasn’t with you at all. She was screwing Kellan. You realize that, right?”
Griffin looked dumbstruck for a second, then he turned to glare at me, like I’d actually had something to do with it. “You fucking bastard. No, you know what? I change my mind. I don’t want you around tonight. You go fuck somewhere else.”
I looked between Matt and Griffin, a little dumbstruck myself now. “How did I get in trouble for this?”
Griffin narrowed his eyes while Matt almost rolled off the couch he was laughing so hard. “Oh, you know what you did,” Griffin sneered. Then he pushed Matt all the way off the couch.
I stood up. “I’m gonna go see what Evan’s doing,” I muttered.
Matt laughed a goodbye while Griffin yelled at me to go fuck myself. I could only shake my head in disbelief. Some things I wouldn’t miss.
I spent the rest of the afternoon with my drummer. Saying goodbye, without him realizing I was saying goodbye. I almost told him, but decided not to. I’d call him once I was on the road. Instead, I kept our conversations centered around his life. “I really thought Renee was the one, man. I’m kind of bummed that it didn’t work out.” He took a sip of his beer as he shrugged. “I just don’t feel it though, and if I don’t feel anything, why stick around, you know?”
My situation was sort of the opposite, Kiera didn’t have any feelings for me, but I understood his decision, so I nodded. “Guess you’ll just have to ask out Jenny now,” I told him with a playful grin.
He gave me a dramatic sigh. “Really? You’re still gonna bug me about that.”
I took a sip of my beer…probably the last beer I’d have with Evan. “Yep. Until I finally get a chance to say I told you so.”
Evan laughed and flicked his bottle cap at me. I laughed, and enjoyed a moment of levity, since I knew it was ending soon.
The clock on the wall told me it was time to head out, so I clapped Evan on the back and thanked him. “For what?” he asked, his dark eyes inquisitive.
I paused, wondering how to sum up our years of friendship. “For…the beer.” I pointed to my empty bottle on the table. Internally I cringed. Couldn’t I just tell him that he meant a lot to me? Were those words so hard to say? Yes. They were.
Evan’s eyes followed my finger, then he shrugged. “No big deal, man. Have a good time tonight.”
I gave him a thumbs up as I headed out the door. Oh yeah. Tonight should be a great time.
**Pre-order links**
Amazon US: http://bitly.com/1EGF30zAmazon UK: http://bitly.com/1sKN3EO
B&N: http://bit.ly/1tEfKcm
Kobo: http://bit.ly/1yF6eF3 iTunes: http://bit.ly/ZugdAR
Google Play: http://bit.ly/1wAz8GG
FB page: http://a.pgtb.me/jLdz5d