Welcome to the third deleted scene from Thoughtful. Careful. This is a sad one…
*Kellan’s Goodbye Dream*
Some small part of me knew I was having a dream. Things were off just enough that my subconscious noticed. It wasn’t enough to wake me up though. All I knew as I walked along the hallway of my childhood home was that the plants in the flowerpots lining the walls shouldn’t be reaching out to touch me. Their long leaves shouldn’t be stroking my arms. They shouldn’t be waving goodbye as I walked past. That much I knew wasn’t right. But as I reached the railing overlooking the entryway, and looked down to see a party in full swing, my dream shifted into a memory, and I forgot that this wasn’t reality.
I was looking down upon Denny’s going away party; it was all so familiar. Adults were milling about downstairs, congratulating each other on how good they looked, how wonderful their children were, and how successful they all were. It seemed phony to me, especially since I had heard my parents badmouth three quarters of the people here.
The schmoozing partiers were technically here to wish Denny well, since he was heading back home tomorrow. Sitting down on the very top stair, I watched the revelers below with a heavy heart. Denny leaving wasn’t a party to me. I had a drink in my hand that was mostly alcohol with a splash of pop. Mom would be pissed if she knew I was drinking, but I didn’t care if she got mad at me or not. This sucked.
As I watched people laughing and drinking, like nothing at all was wrong with this picture, I felt sick. Everything was wrong. Denny was going back home, and he was the closest thing to real family that I’d ever had. I’d be alone again once he was gone. Completely and utterly alone.
But…at least I had my band. And music. And women. Those things would keep me sane, I guess.
Denny spotted me from downstairs, and came up to join me on the top step. “How’s it going?” he asked, in that cool accent that he had completely wasted by remaining celibate.
“Things have been better,” I answered, taking a long drink of my Coke that wasn’t just Coke.
Denny was silent a moment, then said, “At least school’s out. You’ll have all summer to work on new songs.”
Looking over at him, I muttered, “I wish you weren’t leaving until the end of summer. It’s been nice having you here.” My dad’s loud voice drifted up the stairs, and I frowned at hearing it. Dad hadn’t really yelled at me nearly all year. I’d never known peace like that before, and I had a feeling, I never would again.
Noticing my expression, Denny quietly said, “I meant what I said before. I may be thousands of miles away, but I’m here if you need me.” He shrugged when I glanced over at him. “In spirit anyway.”
I smiled at his attempt to make me feel better. Wanting to do the same for him, I slapped on a carefree attitude. “Things will be fine here. Dad’s a blowhard, but it’s no big deal. I’ll be eighteen soon, then I’ll be free to do whatever I want.”
Denny nodded, then looked down. “What do you think you’ll do?”
I looked around my house, at all the fine crap my parents surrounded themselves with. It was all pointless, meaningless. Worthless. I wanted more. I wanted good people and good music. Something of real value. And I wanted to be as far away from Seattle as possible. “I don’t know. Maybe take my band south?”
Denny smiled, but my plan sounded stupid to me. For one, my band was going to fall apart as people graduated and moved on. I amended my statement with, “Or maybe I’ll form a new one.”
Clapping me on the back, Denny said, “Whatever you decide to do, I’m sure you’ll be great at it. You’re better than you think you are, mate.”
I gave him a smile that felt weak to me. “Thank you…” With a sigh, I told him, “Man, it’s going to suck ass around here when you’re gone. You’ve been like a brother to me,” I added in a whisper.
He patted me on the back again. “Yeah, I know…don’t drink too much of that, okay? You don’t want to be all hung-over at the airport tomorrow.” I laughed, then raised my glass and downed it. Amused, he shook his head. Then his expression turned somber. “Hey…I know things are hard here sometimes, but don’t forget…you deserve to have good things happen to you. And they will. Good things will happen to you…someday.”
I was about to respond to him when my world shifted. All of a sudden I wasn’t sitting on the staircase with Denny, I was standing in my bedroom alone. The sun was blinding, and a surge of panic raced through me. It was morning. Denny was leaving.
Feeling dread circling around me, I rushed to Denny’s bedroom. His door was closed. Was he still asleep? He didn’t answer when I lightly rapped on it, so I knocked harder. “Denny?” When he didn’t respond, I cracked his door open. “Denny?” The room was completely empty, and my voice echoed back to me. He was gone? But I hadn’t said goodbye…
I ran down the stairs, yelling at my parents to wait for me. No one was there though, and nothing but silence answered me. I checked every room in the house, but I was completely alone. In a daze, I stared at the front door. They’d left without me. My parents had stolen my final goodbye to the best friend I’d ever had. Those fucking assholes. Hot tears stung my eyes. That was just like them to steal any moment of happiness from me that they could. I was probably never going to see Denny again.
Just as that thought pounded through my brain, I heard a car pull into the driveway. Overwhelmed with guilt and anger, I screamed at my father when he stepped though the front door. “How could you leave without letting me say goodbye!”
When I stepped within range, the back of Dad’s hand lashed out and bashed my jaw. I tasted blood in my mouth, and it surprised me so much I fell to the ground. I’d gotten used to Dad backing off with Denny around. I’d grown complacent…comfortable. But Denny wasn’t around anymore. I was on my own.
When I peered up at Dad, he had a look on his face that bordered on happiness. “Do you know how long I’ve been waiting to do that?” he asked, his voice gruff.
Beginning to tremble, I scooted back until my spine was against the wall. “I’m sorry,” I immediately sputtered. How could I forget what he was really like so quickly?
Dad narrowed his eyes, then slowly and methodically removed his belt. I felt like I was going to be sick as I watched him, and knowing that I couldn’t run…that I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, made tears haze my vision.
While Mom stood behind Dad with apathetic eyes, he calmly said, “It seems to me that you got off easy while we had company. You flaunted our leniency…tested us, abused our kindness. You made us look like fools.” His voice heated and his face darkened. When the belt was free of his slacks, he folded it in two. Grabbing each end, he snapped the leather, making a horrible crack that I knew was going to hurt like hell.
Shaking my head, I murmured, “I’m sorry.”
He ignored me. Stepping right in front of me, he bit out, “Did you think we’d let you get away with that kind of insolence forever? Did you think there wouldn’t be a price to pay for your actions? There’s always a price, Kellan. And it’s high time you learned that.”
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